she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
