Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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