I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
