Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
