direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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