alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
