Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
