Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
