She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
