Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
