I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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