Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
