She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
