He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
