she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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