I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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