I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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