call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You are the jesus of drinking
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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