Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
