apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
