Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
