she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
