I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
