come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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