Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
