I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
