Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
