? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
