I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
