oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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