That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
