i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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