Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
