During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
