I heard we made out
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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