You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
