I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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