I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
