So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
