also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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