i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
