Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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