dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
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one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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