Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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