lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Send help, water and tortillas.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize