He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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