it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You are the jesus of drinking
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
