I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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