While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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