question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
