i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
