there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
