Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She bit a glass in half.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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