end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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