Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize