dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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