he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
