shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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