I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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