I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
