The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
