Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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