You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
