some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
