It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
